Recently life has been moving way to fast to handle. But it’s been really exciting and all good things, for the most part.
Plus meow it’s kind of slowing down because I’ve started to get into a groove. But this groove has left me feeling stagnant. When I start to feel this way all I want to do is drop everything and run. Change jobs, meet new people, hell, even find a new town. I realized the other day I’ve never had a job for more than four months at any given time, and I’ve only worked the same job once. So naturally I panicked when working at the Co-Op is my foreseeable future. I’ve spent more time looking at job openings than is probably healthy and now that my Wilderness First Responder (WFR) course has started, I am reminded how much I like being able to help people, whether it be standing up for their rights or being able to bandage their bleeding hand. The first night it started when I got home I looked into EMT courses and had a long talk with my roommate Vasu about the graduated life, how I’m working at the Co-Op because yea, I like the idea of sustainable food being readily available to the community, and yea, I need the money. But I also recognize that this job is not my future. I know it’s going to be temporary, even if it’s about to be the longest standing job I’ve ever had. Deep down I know I’m having this little life crisis because I’m not actively pursuing my academic passions: human rights in Latin America and speaking Spanish every day. Since I’ve returned to the US, I cling to the Netflix show NARCOS like a five-year-old to their blankie, fully digesting and loving every word of Spanish. I’ve been dreaming in Spanish and when that happens, I try to journal in it, too.
I think starting my WFR class jump-started my ambitions again. Wednesday morning I was cuddled up in bed when my alarm went off at 6:50 to tell me to go to yoga. I can go to a later class, I thought. But then I remembered my goals for the day and why I had decided to go to the earlier class. So I rolled out of the warm sheets, grabbed my mat and walked out under the sprinkling sky, destination YourYoga. The minute I walked in the door the effort I had made to get out of bed was worth it. The teacher was so happy to see me, and the owner confirmed I could sub a class this Tuesday at 2pm (come!). That start to my day made me giddy and smiley throughout the rest of it. I walked out of class feeling like I was walking on the silver lining of every rain cloud that hovered over Bozeman.
That same day for the second day in a row I sat in Zocalo sipping tea and writing yoga sequences. The day before it took me an entire session to just get through half a flow for the alpine ski team, but Wednesday I finished that one and wrote another one for Tuesday. AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. Drawing out those stick figures doing yoga I felt good. Really, really good. This is what I should be doing. I am confident in myself and the steps I am taking to begin to mold my life into a friend. One that nourishes me as long as I nourish it. The Co-Op job is helping me. It’s teaching me impermanence; that while I think time is going to move ever so slowly, it really doesn’t and it’s all relative. Who knows, maybe someday soon I’ll be teaching yoga regularly and working somewhere where I can speak Spanish all day to resolve issues.
I am also fully aware that this is the most bougie blog post I have probably written so far. Two months ago I was brooding over the fact that I was surrounded by a bunch of yogi’s in Lulu Lemon pants drinking their green juices on the beach in Costa Rica, and today here I sit in the meowtains of Montana, still surrounded by people drinking green juice in yoga pants, but there’s a difference. Here I am part of the community. The outdoor community, the university community, the yoga family. In Costa Rica when I wrote that rant I didn’t feel like I was a part of any community. I felt like the outsider that I clearly was. Here I’m not an outsider. Here the people I interact with really care about every individual they come across. I have created stronger bonds with a handful of yogi’s that make me feel so included and loved as an important part of the yoga family. This is why I love yoga. There’s no sense of competition. We’re not trying to get ahead of anyone else or have the better class. No, we all realize that we’re traveling through space and time together. This feeling of “together-ness” is what I’m really getting at. A lot of times I think we’re told to be an individual, to blaze our own trails and be our own person. Which we should. But in the yoga world we come to realize we are on the journey “alone, together” as one of my teachers from YTT put it. And she couldn’t have been more right. The more we are there to support each other, believe in each other, and love each other, the better off our day to day interactions, lives, and this crazy world we live in will be. So just remember that. Be nice to people. Love each other. Small actions to better someone’s day go a long way. Because you never know their story.