*Feature photo credit to Seth Langbauer.*
What do you mean it’s been two months since I last wrote? My b.
Monday morning I had set my alarm for 6:54am. I wanted time to sip my tea and think up a flow for the class I was teaching at 9am. My alarm went off and in my sleepy daze I must have slid my thumb across the screen, disabling the alarm instead of hitting snooze. THWACK. POP. My eyelids snapped open to the noise and I was looking straight out my window. The object there was as big as a cantaloupe and tan. I thought it was a face at first, but as my room is on the second floor and you would need a ladder to peer into that window, my eyes focused and they were big bird talons. It fluttered its wings and came back for one more smack against the window before zipping off into the sky. I still don’t know what kind of bird it was, but I immediately panicked and checked my watch. Was I going to be late to teach?! My watch read 8:04. I was going to be fine. I also ended up teaching whatever came to mind instead of writing it all down, and the world didn’t explode.
Maybe you’ve heard about the supermoon that just passed. My head has been exploding with thoughts and emotions because of it. My sleep patterns have been off and my dreams have felt far too similar to reality. I have also been teaching a lot of yoga. During teacher training I was able to explore how stretching deeper into certain muscles, if not all of them, releases all of the feels. My first experience with an emotional outburst during yoga came two years ago, poised in high lunge with cactus arms, as we then moved into a pattern of reaching both arms forward and towards the sky while pulling one arm back like we were shooting an arrow at the sun. With this movement, my eyes filled with tears and they began to roll silently down my face as I frantically tried to hide the fact I was crying from everyone else in the class. Last year, laying in a supine twist for over a minute with my eyes closed, a swell of anger flooded through me and I wanted to scream out loud. I left the class frustrated and wanting to send my fist through drywall. This summer we were doing a seated arm stretch and I went from laughing out loud with my fellow yoga teachers-in-training giggling at the fact I was in hysterical laughter to sobbing. Body shaking, guttural sobs that slowed when we left the pose, but came back in savasana. I spent the rest of that evening shaking, tears welled in my eyes even when I went to sleep.
My point wth all of this is I think being a yoga teacher; leading these humans you know practically nothing about through a flow, releases emotionally charged energy into the room, whether the students realize their energy or not. And, being the guide that a yoga teacher is, I think that energy kind of gets thrown at you, affecting you differently throughout the day. So far I’ve had laughing fits hours after a class and heaving sobs that seem to have no end (fixable with friends and ice cream, mainly).
I’m also having a rush of feelings about the season change. Fall is finally ending here in Montana, but with its end comes the end of bike season. I’ve probably gone on 10 rides in the past two weeks and I’m just not ready to give it up. I’m finally finding my need for speed on the downhill and am finding myself trying to hang out in the air off little rollers. It’s just so gosh darn fun! But then I think about skiing. About how, on October 23, Vasu and I got out to FLMR and made our first turns of the season. How I was so afraid to go first, worried about what my first turns would look and feel like and if I would pack it in and slide to the bottom. “K, SENDING!” was all it took for me to push off and make the first turn. And it was fantastic. Hey, I can ski! I thought to myself. By the end of the run I was going way too fast to successfully avoid rocks so I reined it in…and managed to not hit a single. flipping. rock. Snaps for Madi. Guys, skiing is so dang fun! And guess what else? I’ve officially signed up for my Avy 1 training in December at the Bell Lake Yurt with a group of fabulous gals!
So meow that you see my internal dialogue about the change in seasons, cheers to hopefully waking up to snowflakes tomorrow and complaining about being cold as sh*t.